Perfectly Imperfect

Fellow travellers I have realised that throughout my life I have strived for perfection; to be the perfect daughter, the perfect mother, the perfect partner. Have a perfect house perfect kids, perfect life. It took me a long time to grasp the fact that these are unattainable ideals, perpetuated by media hype and unrealistic movies. But! I know this and have known this for quite some time. So, why is it that on my weight loss travels I am once again aiming for perfection?

Why do I spend every day trying to be the perfect 12WBT devotee? Why do I look at the scales every weigh day and feel angry at myself because I haven’t hit that perfect weight loss number? (Whatever that may be)

I am conditioned.
Conditioned to believe that, I have to do everything bigger and better than everyone else. I have to be the best, I have to be perfect.

Every weigh in day I furtively glance at the scales and realise that I haven’t achieved the impossible. My weight loss for the last two rounds has not been as dramatic as the first. The last round saw me plodding along towards a weight loss of 9kgs for the round. I thoroughly chastised myself for this and bravely headed into this round believing that this would be the Perfect round (there goes that word again)

Well fellow travellers, it hasn’t been perfect, this week has seen me fall off of the 12WBT eating wagon and eat cake… I have had red flag days this week and I succumbed to temptation. I found that I couldn’t resist the allure of a chocolate birthday cake and had a slice (maybe more than one).
I lurched on to the scales and low and behold my weight loss was a mere 500g (fellow 12WBT 30+ will be shaking their heads at the mention of the word ‘mere’) I was devastated once again to realise that this may be another slow, plod towards the finish line. The magnificent round I had once was a flying start to propel me into this maelstrom of emotional soul searching and slow, steady weight loss.

I metaphorically slapped myself and kicked my arse this morning, because I am the only one who expects me to be perfect and always come out winning. Nobody else puts those pressures on me, it’s all me.

I realised that this is also the reason for my binges and self-loathing, the fact that I am not perfect. I have to unlearn this behaviour in order to move forward.
I am coming to the realisation that I am flawed like every other human being and I can’t always come first or be the top. I have to understand that (although I am awesome); I AM PERFECTLY IMPERFECT!

It’s a long and winding road fellow travellers but we can get there.