Kindsight

I recently read a book (yes, fellow travellers I am a reader) in which the main character was asked to write an article on "Being Kind to Yourself". When I started reading this I thought that it was ridiculous. We all know how to be kind to ourselves. Don't we?
As I continued I realised, as the heroine was tucking into a large piece of cheesecake that she had allowed herself as a reward, that we don't know how to be kind to ourselves. We are kind to our spouses, our family, our friends, our children, we are even kinder to strangers than we are to ourselves.
Why? Why is it that we do not feel worthy of  kindness?
We are our own worst critics, we allow others to fail but not ourselves.
We strive for a perfection that doesn't exist and when we don't attain that heady height what do we do? Fellow travellers if you are anything like me, you punish yourself, by hiding behind a barricade of eating and self loathing. We haven't reached an unreachable ideal so we console ourselves. We think we are being kind, but we are back into that trail of self destruction.
These roads we are travelling allow us to take a breath and examine why we chose to begin our journey. This is the first step towards "Kindsight". Not beating ourselves up because we ate that packet of custard creams (you know who you are :) ) but looking back and saying "What have I learned? How can I be kind to myself next time?"
For me that has to start with believing that I do have value and not buying into all of that media hype about being fat and worthless. I have also realised that I have to let go of all of the hurt from my childhood. Let go of all of that anger, bitterness and self loathing. Look at my past and ask myself what it taught me.  It taught me that I am strong, I am resilient and I can overcome adversity. I have value, I have purpose and I am here to be kind to myself and make a difference.
Travelling forward with this knowledge means that I know I can achieve my goals, I can become the person I want to be. Do I believe that
this road will be a straight and easy one? No fellow traveller, it will be full of winding curves and occasionally there will be obstacles in the road, but they will be rocks that can be picked up and thrown to the side or hills that I can climb or mountains that I can traverse. I know that I have value, I know that I have strength and that I am determined enough with KINDSIGHT to succeed.