Consumed.

It has been a while since my last post fellow travellers, so I begin with an apology.
Since my last post there have been many changes in my life. I have undergone a hysterectomy and am trying to rest and heal, those who know me will understand that I am not good at being, I am much better at doing. Prior to my surgery, I once again looked inwards to try to unravel the inner workings of my issues with food and weight. I realised, pre surgery, that this isn't a sprint to the finish line, this is a constant road that will be traversed for the rest of my life. Things that I do now will never be quick fixes, because once I reach my goal weight there will be other issues that need to be faced.
What I realised, fellow travellers, was that I had become consumed with the need to lose weight... my daily mantra was "exercise much and eat little". All of the other things in my life were starting to take second place. This is the wrong way for me. Yes, I need to lose weight. Yes, I need to exercise. But not to the detriment of other things, not at the cost of all else.
It's then that I decided I wasn't going to worry about my weight loss for this round (my surgery in week 7 would mean that the last 6 weeks would be difficult anyway) What I was going to worry about was getting healthy, physically and emotionally, if a side benefit of this was weight loss then even better.

I realised that I had spent a great deal of time beating up on myself for not losing one week or (heaven forbid) actally gaining. All of this too, is self destructive. I am good at that, switching reasons to beat up on myself, many people are. This round has taught me that if I can't be kind and forgiving of myself, then how can any one else? If I can accept these same traits in others, then why not accept them as a part of me? If I don't see these issues as weaknesses in others, then why do I feel weak?
This round fellow travellers I have allowed myself to just BE!

Be kind to myself!
Be responsible for my actions!
Be reasonable in my expectations!
Be understanding of my flaws!
Be realistic about my goals!
Be Patient!
Be happy!!!