Here I Go Again !!!!

Welcome fellow travellers new and previous,this will be my fourth and last round.
I have had ups and downs, highs and lows, losses and gains.
This round sees me at week 11 and having gained 1kg.... OMG!!! I hear everyone gasp....
"How did she manage to do that? Does this program work? What has she been doing?"
In answer to those questions:
 I managed that by having a hysterectomy in week 4 of this round and not being able to exercise, not sticking to the plan totally and being a lil bit lazy.
I have lost over 30kgs in the 3 rounds I have done (including pre season ) Just not this round, so the program can work. I have managed to gain SOOOOOO much this round in terms of my mind set and my self worth... these gains have been wonderful and well worth the extra 1kg.
I am doing this final round because I still have a way to go with my food choices and I know that I can stick to the program and make it work. I'm not in it for any recognition (in fact I won't be submitting my pics this round) I am in it to become the best version of me that I can possibly be. I am in it because I need the structure right now to achieve that. I am in it because my family deserve to have me in their lives for many years to come. I am in it because I deserve to be in their lives and live those years .. Happy and Healthy ... I am in it because it has worked for me. I don't watch the mind set videos and enter into all of the banter (that's not me) But if people ask how I have managed to make positive changes in my life I tell them how and what 12 WBT has done for me.
So fellow travellers I am in this round to kick its arse and finish this cycle of my travels. See you there !!!

The Round That Wasn't

It's been a while since my last blog fellow travellers and for that I apologise. I have been recovering from surgery as you know and have had time to reflect extensively on "The round that wasn't"

I started Round 1 2013 with high expectations and all guns blazing. I intended to be on the top 20 podium come May 4th and no one was going to stop me.

My first week saw me lose 2kgs and should have spurred me on to victory ... YOU THINK? ...

Na ah!! Nothing of the sort, I found out that my surgery was booked for the end of March and it was like a button had been switched off in my head.

Week 2 saw a gain of 3kgs, but that didn't faze me ... I knew it was a blip and that's how I viewed this week. Week 3 saw a loss of 2kgs and, although I didn't realise it at the time, this was to be the last time the scales moved in any direction. My op came and went and was successful, the weeks have gone by (4 weeks now) and still I have not recommitted myself to the programme.

I am finding it difficult not to exercise, which means that I have now committed to including this in my life. I am finding it difficult to stick to the eating plan (which means I still have a way to go with food) I have not found it difficult to stick to 1200 calories ( my portion sizes and self control are better)

I have signed up for round 2 and this will be my final round. I expect to leave that round having reached goal weight, or very near to, and being able to eat in a far more healthy way.

For me Round 1 has not been a total waste of time, psychologically I am much more able to control food rather than have it control me. I am definitely happier in myself and learning not to bother with people who really don't feature in my life. I am learning to enjoy food, rather than use it as a crutch. I have acquired a new and already dear friend and I am learning not to be defined by numbers. My HRM has been dormant for the past 6 weeks and my fitbit and scales are used sporadically. I walk with my head held high and a smile on my face. I relish every day and I laugh so much more.
There is still work to do but in the words of my role model I'm "not bröken just bent" I can fix me, I just needed to realise it.

Round 1 has seen me gain 1kg, lose a uterus and find ME!!!

Consumed.

It has been a while since my last post fellow travellers, so I begin with an apology.
Since my last post there have been many changes in my life. I have undergone a hysterectomy and am trying to rest and heal, those who know me will understand that I am not good at being, I am much better at doing. Prior to my surgery, I once again looked inwards to try to unravel the inner workings of my issues with food and weight. I realised, pre surgery, that this isn't a sprint to the finish line, this is a constant road that will be traversed for the rest of my life. Things that I do now will never be quick fixes, because once I reach my goal weight there will be other issues that need to be faced.
What I realised, fellow travellers, was that I had become consumed with the need to lose weight... my daily mantra was "exercise much and eat little". All of the other things in my life were starting to take second place. This is the wrong way for me. Yes, I need to lose weight. Yes, I need to exercise. But not to the detriment of other things, not at the cost of all else.
It's then that I decided I wasn't going to worry about my weight loss for this round (my surgery in week 7 would mean that the last 6 weeks would be difficult anyway) What I was going to worry about was getting healthy, physically and emotionally, if a side benefit of this was weight loss then even better.

I realised that I had spent a great deal of time beating up on myself for not losing one week or (heaven forbid) actally gaining. All of this too, is self destructive. I am good at that, switching reasons to beat up on myself, many people are. This round has taught me that if I can't be kind and forgiving of myself, then how can any one else? If I can accept these same traits in others, then why not accept them as a part of me? If I don't see these issues as weaknesses in others, then why do I feel weak?
This round fellow travellers I have allowed myself to just BE!

Be kind to myself!
Be responsible for my actions!
Be reasonable in my expectations!
Be understanding of my flaws!
Be realistic about my goals!
Be Patient!
Be happy!!!